grammytammy (grammytammy) wrote,
grammytammy
grammytammy

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hard to post

it has been so hard to post. I think I do not like to post my intermost feelings cuz i really not sure what they are. Today my grandma died and I feel sad but i am sad because I feel that I should be sadder. Like maybe just beside myself. I think when you go so long holding in stuff that you start to become so numb that it is hard to feel, happy, happy or really sad.

I think I am just jacked up. I guess numb is not soooo bad but then you miss out on the good stuff too. I'm screwed.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
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Ok... Check it out. I was totally feeling guilty for not feeling more sad about g'ma's passing. We just weren't "let in" How can we feel like we lost a loved one. There has to have been "love" to feel like you lost a "loved' one. I always tried to be a loving kid but when you don't get invited in.... man... then you close up because you think there's something wrong with you. Stink or no stink..... let me in. She hurt my feelings. Sadly, beyond repair.

-another word from the Harsh Sis.
I am with you all the way......................... love ya sis